It figures that on a night the candidates couldn’t stop talking about Joe the Plumber, I was stuck under my kitchen sink trying to fix a leak–and missing much of the debate. After an emergency trip to Lowe’s, I thought my problem was solved. Now it’s worse. At the moment, the only thing I want to know about these candidates is which one has a plan to send Joe over here to help me out.

I’m also in favor of this, from The Onion (so it’s fake, people!):

WASHINGTON—According to a USA Today–Gallup poll released Monday, as many as 85 percent of Americans strongly wish to see Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain race through a gauntlet of comically ludicrous hazards and encumbrances sometime before Nov. 4. “Voters want to know how Obama’s poise compares with McCain’s experience, specifically when racing to pick the flag out of a giant foam nose,” political analyst and Gallup pollster Brian Garfield said. “It has been a grueling nominating season, and now the American people want to see the candidates prove their mettle in a gigantic syrup moat. If they react the wrong way under pressure—say, on some sort of gravy slide or human-size hamster wheel—the results could be hilarious.” At press time, neither candidate had comment, as they were both being zipped into sumo suits.