TBS keeps running promos for some “Jaws” rip-off movie starring Lou “My Career Has Fallen and it Can’t Get Up” Diamond Phillips. The commercial keeps calling sharks “perfectly evolved killing machines” — a line echoed in all sorts of documentaries and “Jaws” too. Excuse me, but if sharks are “perfectly evolved killing machines” how come they keep losing in fights with humans?

I think a “perfectly” evolved killing machine would be really smart, and have something like lasers coming out of its eyes and a Howitzer for a right arm.