Some weeks ago I received in the mail a form from the Census Bureau, titled

“The American Community Survey.” I’m supposed to fill it out, under threat

of some dire penalty. I threw it away the first time, but they sent me

another one with A BIG FAT WARNING.

This thing is ***TWENTY-FOUR PAGES LONG*** with HUNDREDS of boxes.

Samples: What time did my wife leave home to go to work last week? Does

either of my children have any of a long list of medical conditions? In the

past 12 months, what was the cost of water for this house? Et cetera, et

cetera, et damn stinking bloody cetera.

Who the hell do these fool bureaucrats think they are, stealing my time like

this? What the hell business is it of federal bureaucrats what time my wife

leaves for work? Or what conditions my children might have?

I have no idea about some of these answers, e.g. cost of water. I’d have to

go through my files and add up all my water bills. I’m putting down numbers

at random. The hell with these nuisances. I think I’ll lie on all those

impertinent questions about what race we are. If challenged I’ll say I read

in the New York Times that there is no such thing as race.

I love my country, but just at this moment, I hate my filthy lousy stinking

government.