I cannot, of course, tell you what was said at 5 p.m. Mass because of the super-secret background Pope Karl keeps all Catholics to. But I can tell you that I should, perhaps, set up a lunch between Dear Derb and Father George W. Rutler, occasional NRODT writer and Corner Confessor (who, though I have not asked, I’m pretty sure would look down on live logging asides from his sermon). This is why: During the course of the homily—again, context I cannot give you—Fr. Rutler relayed being at the Baltimore Aquarium and insisting to his tour guide that sharks are not, in fact are friends. Then, simply to be annoying, the priest announced to the aquarium man that once you have seen one fish you have seen them all.

These two gents sound perfect for each other! At least for a pay-per-view lunch.