Somewhere or other, I still feel sure—or least I still felt sure, up until ten minutes ago—Gore Vidal did indeed say, “It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail.” What has made me suddenly uncertain? A Google search. Some websites do indeed attribute the quotation to Vidal. But others attribute it instead to Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonald’s, to Broadway producer David Merrick, or to Genghis Khan.

What I do know is that the high hymn of schadenfreude, a poem entitled “The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered,” was composed by the English journalist and television personality Clive James. My favorite stanza:

The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I rejoice.
It has gone with bowed head like a defeated legion
Beneath the yoke.
What avail him now his awards and prizes,
The praise expended upon his meticulous technique,
His individual new voice?
Knocked into the middle of next week
His brainchild now consorts with the bad buys,
The sinkers, clinkers, dogs and dregs,
The Edsels of the world of movable type,
The bummers that no amount of hype could shift,
The unbudgeable turkeys.

Gore Vidal, eat your heart out. (Or do I mean Ray Kroc?)