I actually WATCHED the Miss Universe kitsch-fest. My womenfolk made me. They were all over it, ooh-ing and aah-ing and Oh No!-ing. I favored Miss Japan from the start, though she didn’t look the least bit Japanese.

But what’s with “Miss Puerto Rico”? That’s NOT A COUNTRY. If there’s a Miss Puerto Rico, why wasn’t there a Miss Guam, a Miss Gibraltar, a Miss Falkland Islands, a Miss St. Helena, and so on? Seems to me Puerto Ricans are on to a nice thing. They get to be U.S. citizens when it suits them, and a “country” when it doesn’t. Aren’t there any RULES?

The Donald looked bored out of his skull.