E-mail #1:

“Gatlin just wanted to know if you were the big a—— at the top who runs everything. He wasn’t necessarily calling you a name — he was just applying the universally recognized assumption that anyone at the top must be an a——.

I assure you that there was NO harm meant. He may have used the word `rectum’ to be polite around a New Yorker. That’s the only part that would concern me. He may have thought you were a bit of a priss and didn’t want to use the A-word around you. Were you wearing a tie or anything that might make him think you couldn’t handle a head gate, much less a rope?”

ME: OK, what’s a head gate?

E-mail #2:

“Based on years of being a `country girl’ and the fact all three of my 20-something children (2 girls and a boy) drive pick-up trucks with bumper stickers that say `Bush Cheney Farm Team’ I THINK `Major Rectum’ translates into `Big Ass.’ Mr. Gatlin probably didn’t want to use the word `ass’ with you.

Now, `Big Ass’ is a compliment when used by a country boy in sentences like:

`Did you see big ass pick-up Bobby Joe just bought?’ (enviously)

`Dallas sure is a big ass city these days!’ (proudly)

`William F. Buckley? Oh, he’s a big ass in national politics. You don’t see his name on ballots but every word he has to say about the political scene is quoted and re-quoted in the media. Major political big

ass!’ (explanation of who has the power)”