I am just settling down to review Chandler Burr’s new novel The Emperor of Scent. Chandler is the only openly homosexual male I am on friendly terms with, and I have mentioned him before in this context. Now, I have written some negative stuff about homosexuality in the past, and shall very likely write more in the future. It therefore occurs to me that I might be accused of using Chandler as a… a what? A woman who is assigned to be seen with a homosexual movie star in public, so that his true preference won’t be known, is called a “beard.” What do you call a guy like Chandler, a homosexual who allows himself to be used by someone like me to ward off accusations of being a reflexive gay-basher? The answer has bome to me in a flash: Chandler is my mustache!