“I will link to this website at least once every three months. “I will make reference to this man’s uncanny sense-of-humor deficit whenever events warrant, in part because it seems to rankle him so much. “If anybody complains that I have written something obnoxious or unpleasant, I guarantee I will blame it on the fact that one of my daughters either went to bed late or woke up too early. “I will use the words ‘startling,’ ‘remarkable,’ ‘extraordinary,’ and ‘stunning’ far too frequently when talking about a movie or a book I like. “I will use the phrase ‘jump the shark’ or some variant thereof anytime I discuss the television show ‘Lost.’ “I will continue to believe that there is nothing ironical about the fact that ‘God Bless America’ was written by Israel Baline, an immigrant from Russia. “I will back Ponnuru for SCOTUS only if he agrees to back Judi Nathan Giuliani for FLOTUS. “I will only link to the Amazon listing for the paperback version of my book Can She Be Stopped? 37 times when it comes out in the fall. “I will correct the grammar of anyone who writes me a hostile e-mail, which will send them into even greater fits of hostility. “I will throw a party for one of the bloggers at the New Republic when he turns five on his next birthday. “I will fix the mess in Washington. “I will dance like Brookers!”