I have resigned myself to the fact that this is never going to end, unless

Kathryn, in her infinite mercy, brings down the guillotine. I shall spend

the rest of my life being guided by earnest readers through the

billion-layered subtleties of The Big Lebowski, like Dante by Virgil thru

the Inferno.

Here, just for the heck of it, is the eulogy for Donny.

“Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who

loved the outdoors… and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches

of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and… up to… Pismo.

He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time.

In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering

young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their

lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald

Karabozoz, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well

have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific

Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.”

John Goodman then tips out the ashes… but there’s a stiff wind, and they

end up all over Jeff Bridges.

(Did I just write “stiff wind”? This whole thing is getting to me…)