Note from my sister (after reading my last column): “I thought Doris Day was your first love.”

Well, it was all a long time ago and it’s possible I’m mistaken. The relevant movies — Call Me Madam and Calamity Jane — were both released in the same year. Furthermore, Vera Ellen and Ms. Kappelhoff were cast from the same die. I’m pretty sure it was Vera Ellen, but these early infatuations are hard to keep straight. The effect here is something like the one recorded by Dorothy Parker, only in reverse:

Oh gallant was the first love, and glittering and fine;
The second love was water in a clear white cup;
The third love was his, and the fourth was mine;
And after that, I always get them all mixed up.
–Dorothy Parker, “Resume”