You know, I don’t like to admit I am wrong about anything, but I am

beginning to totter from the weight of evidence being dumped on me here. A

reader:

“I maintain Squidward, if he has any political bearing at all, is not a

conservative. He may seems to have a conservative demeanor, and is male, but

that’s where it ends.

“Squidward is a surface intellectual who looks down on the masses. He plays

the clarinet (or some other instrument – my band teacher wife would be so

disappointed in me), paints and sculpts, and he dreams of being a successful

artist. All this screams to me ‘Hollywood liberal.’

“Other facts which strongly hint at a left leaning voting record:

“He unionized labor at the Krusty Krab.

“He works in an unskilled, low paying job.

“He is a unmarried.

“Squidward identifies himself as a squid, but is clearly an octopus (8

limbs, bulbous head, bottom dweller). He clearly suffers from Species

Identity Confusion (I wonder what bathroom he uses).

“Octopi are members of the mollusk family. Thus Squidward has no internal

skeleton, and thus no backbone.”

[Derb here] I assume my reader means “octopodes.” In any case, I am now in

a state of serious doubt concerning my former opinion of Sqidward’s

political orientation. I have, perhaps, been too heavily influenced by the

fact that my children refer to **me** as “Squidward Derbyshire.”