I have just received a totally unnecessary “Economic Stimulus Payment Notice” through the mail from the Internal Revenue Service — you’ll probably be getting it soon if you haven’t already. After going through a brutal tax preparation process recently, it is some consolation to learn that I will be getting a check, perhaps as early as May.

The letter confirms the two reasons why this is really a welfare program before it is a tax cut. First:

Even if you pay no income tax but have a total of $3,000 or more in earned income, Social Security benefits, and/or certain veterans’ payments, you may receive a payment of $300 ($600 if married filing jointly).

And second:

For taxpayers with adjusted gross income (AGI) of more than $75,000 (or more than $150,000 if married filing jointly), the payment will be reduced or phased out completely.

Somewhere, some rich person (possibly you, dear reader) is paying more than his proportional share of federal taxes this year so that $600 of it can be reistributed to me, and another $300 to a non-taxpayer.

Allow me to express my gratitude: “Thanks, sucker!” (And yes, I’m definitely keeping the money.)