Re the world’s hairiest Olympic torch burner, several readers from various fire departments point out that even the trimmest neatest goatee makes it hard to fit the oxygen mask snugly and an amazing number of readers claim aspiring firemen prone to five o’clock shadow who find it painful to shave every 20 minutes have managed to sue successfully under the Americans with Disabilities Act. The discriminatory firehouses apparently got hosed.

Why do more beardies not sue under the ADA? Pogonophobia is rampant in America: As I recall, Ross Perot pledged that as president he would not hire adulterers, homosexuals or men with beards. (The only man to stand up to his insane campaign to tear out every last facial hair in America was an employee who’d converted from Catholicism to Orthodox Judaism and found himself fired for the ensuing growth.) All this anti-beard stuff is mostly on the sly. Nothing explicit, just a nudge and a wink between the clean-shaven: You shave my back, I’ll shave yours.