The news is clear: Astronauts will bring back a bug from outerspace that will either kill all dogs and cats creating an avenue for expedited simian evolution and the eventual overthrow of the planet by ape, or all but a very small number of humans will be turned into flesh-eating zombies and will seek refuge in shopping malls. On this there can be no debate. Brian Doherty has more.

About the Author
Jonah Goldberg is a National Review contributing editor.
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