I have always been nuts for the Knicks, but count me among the millions who won’t be tuning into this bizarro extravaganza tonight in which ESPN is giving Lebron James an hour long TV show just to announce where he will be playing next year. I don’t care whether the Knicks get him or not. He sulked like a child when his team got knocked out last year, and he laid an egg when his team needed him to excel this year. He’s been stringing fans along in five or six different cities, and I don’t know why they care so much. Yes, he’s a great player, but the greatest players lift the guys around them, and Lebron doesn’t. He should go watch Michael Jordan tapes, figure out how to win in what will always be a team game (it took MJ a few seasons to figure it out), and then get back to us.

Meantime, though, how’s this for a crazy story? A D.C. lawyer named Leicester Bryce Stovall claims he is Lebron’s father, but that Lebron’s mother and Lebron himself have been blocking Stovall’s zealous efforts to prove paternity. Isn’t it usually the other way around? Anyway, Stovall seems like quite the character. He is a Princeton and University of Chicago-educated lawyer who used to work for the SEC. But then he sued the agency, alleging racial discrimination. (Yeah, Clinton-era government agencies were infamous for their discriminatory practices, right?). He got the SEC to pay him a nearly a quarter-mill settlement (with no admission of fault). When he was 29, he claims he met 15-year-old Gloria James (who was 16 when she had Lebron), and the rest is mystery — including Stovall’s allegation that the name Lebron is derived from parts of his own name, that he was a very good basketball player in his youth and bears a striking resemblance to Lebron, that Lebron must know he’s the father because one of his (Lebron’s) own children is named Bryce, etc. Sounds like it would make a better — though seedier — show than what ESPN is broadcasting tonight.