**Good columns put people in the mood to contribute, so Jonah needs to write a column with so many Simpsons references that he gets sued by 20th Century Fox. Tell Derbyshire to write a column in which every third word is “buggery.”
**Challenge VDH to write a column that doesn’t mention Athens, Sparta, Roman legions, the Goths, or any battle fought before the Battle of the Hastings. If he loses, he chips in $500 to NRO.
**Sell wood shavings and bent nails from Derbyshire’s hilarious and eventually fatal attempt at treehouse construction.
**Organize a slap-fight (a real one, not a virtual one – we’ve seen a lot of those) between Jonah and Andrew Sullivan and sell tickets.
**Cajole Fr. Neuhaus into persuading bishops to withhold the Sacrament from those Catholics who fail to contribute to NRO…
**Charge Jonah 25 cents every time he calls..anyone from Reason “my friend.”…
**Ramesh has too many letters in his last name. Sell off an N or a U to the highest bidder.