What Now? A roundup of advice for Bush.

And, on the whole, the more the press throws its hands up in horror, the less the massive Republican primary crowds pay attention. The media shriek, “He’s anti-Catholic!” The rest of us shrug, “So maybe he should have checked out what Bob Jones III said in 1974. Or Bob Jones VII said in 1943. Whatever.” The media yell, “He’s moved to the right!” The rest of us think, “Funny. He seems to be spouting exactly the same platitudes he was spouting a year ago.” The media jeer, “He can’t name Pakistan’s general-of-the-week!” The rest of us reply, “Neither can we. What’s your point?”

Look, I’m a Canadian. I’d like it if Dubya knew that the prime minister of Canada were called Jean Chrétien and not, as he seemed to think when he was set up by a CBC comedian, “Jean Poutine.” But I don’t believe your average American network anchor could name the guy either. Reporting the latest Dubya world-leaders “gaffe” in the Times of London, Ben Macintyre helpfully explained to his readers that poutine was, in fact, “a fast-food chain.” Actually, it’s a bowl of fries covered in gravy and cheese curds. It’s available in Quebec fast-food chains, like La Belle Province and McDonald’s, but it’s not a fast-food chain per se. In a know-nothing culture, why should Dubya be expected to be the only fellow on top of things? John McCain, when he was campaigning in Vermont, couldn’t name the state’s governor or the prime minister of Ireland. Of course, if you’d asked him to name the prime minister of Canada, he might have snapped testily, “Listen, if you want a president who spent the early Seventies north of the border researching Canadian prime ministers, I’m not that man. What’s important is that prescription drugs for seniors are a third of the price up there. Look, I’m the underdog here. Come and get me, Darth!”

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And, on the whole, the more the press throws its hands up in horror, the less the massive Republican primary crowds pay attention. The media shriek, “He’s anti-Catholic!” The rest of us shrug, “So maybe he should have checked out what Bob Jones III said in 1974. Or Bob Jones VII said in 1943. Whatever.” The media yell, “He’s moved to the right!” The rest of us think, “Funny. He seems to be spouting exactly the same platitudes he was spouting a year ago.” The media jeer, “He can’t name Pakistan’s general-of-the-week!” The rest of us reply, “Neither can we. What’s your point?”

Look, I’m a Canadian. I’d like it if Dubya knew that the prime minister of Canada were called Jean Chrétien and not, as he seemed to think when he was set up by a CBC comedian, “Jean Poutine.” But I don’t believe your average American network anchor could name the guy either. Reporting the latest Dubya world-leaders “gaffe” in the Times of London, Ben Macintyre helpfully explained to his readers that poutine was, in fact, “a fast-food chain.” Actually, it’s a bowl of fries covered in gravy and cheese curds. It’s available in Quebec fast-food chains, like La Belle Province and McDonald’s, but it’s not a fast-food chain per se. In a know-nothing culture, why should Dubya be expected to be the only fellow on top of things? John McCain, when he was campaigning in Vermont, couldn’t name the state’s governor or the prime minister of Ireland. Of course, if you’d asked him to name the prime minister of Canada, he might have snapped testily, “Listen, if you want a president who spent the early Seventies north of the border researching Canadian prime ministers, I’m not that man. What’s important is that prescription drugs for seniors are a third of the price up there. Look, I’m the underdog here. Come and get me, Darth!”