Defend Us, O Lord, from Creeps in the Night

Esquire greeted the autumnal equinox this year with novelist Chip Elliott’s resolute, plain-spoken declaration that he and his wife believe sidearms to be very serviceable accessories for the peaceable citizen roaming at large and minding his own business in contemporary American society. He cited one evening in Venice, California, when he found his 9 mm. automatic handy in redressing a certain imbalance of strength in a discussion initiated by five young gentlemen, one of whom had a knife and an apparent inclination to use it on Elliott. From this and other unpleasant experiences, Elliott admitted. he has reluctantly concluded that society includes a sizable number of vicious beasts who rob and maim and kill because it is an easy way to pick up a few dollars and presents no danger to the attacker unless he has the poor judgment to select somebody like Elliott as his target. Elliott says he and his wife did not audition for the roles of victims, and do not propose to play them.

In the abstract, this is a manifesto indisputable by the majority of sentient adults who thoroughly resent being ripped off, injured, or set upon by homicidal maniacs to whom they have afforded no justification for attack. The law-abiding citizen, however compassionately he may view the plight of those materially less fortunate than he, strongly disapproves of their using self-help to redistribute his wealth among them. The television set in my suburban living room, for example, had—though a muscular Sony—wearied noticeably in years of furnishing intellectual Cool Whip to my children, and Red Sox baseball to me. It had the cathode equivalent of pyorrhea, fallen arches, and hypertension, and it lacked the emotional chits which people of middle age endorse in order to be kept around despite decrepitude. We were making plans to unload it and get another, without any sentimental hesitation whatsoever. Yet we were still infuriated to wake up one morning and discover that someone had smashed a window, opened a door, prowled the house where we were sleeping, and made off with it. We have had only one visiting thief since then, and the $2,500 burglar alarm installed with the new TV apparently sent him away to seek a hold less strong I might add that I resented that additional expense as well.

GH

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George V. Higgins

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Esquire greeted the autumnal equinox this year with novelist Chip Elliott’s resolute, plain-spoken declaration that he and his wife believe sidearms to be very serviceable accessories for the peaceable citizen roaming at large and minding his own business in contemporary American society. He cited one evening in Venice, California, when he found his 9 mm. automatic handy in redressing a certain imbalance of strength in a discussion initiated by five young gentlemen, one of whom had a knife and an apparent inclination to use it on Elliott. From this and other unpleasant experiences, Elliott admitted. he has reluctantly concluded that society includes a sizable number of vicious beasts who rob and maim and kill because it is an easy way to pick up a few dollars and presents no danger to the attacker unless he has the poor judgment to select somebody like Elliott as his target. Elliott says he and his wife did not audition for the roles of victims, and do not propose to play them.

In the abstract, this is a manifesto indisputable by the majority of sentient adults who thoroughly resent being ripped off, injured, or set upon by homicidal maniacs to whom they have afforded no justification for attack. The law-abiding citizen, however compassionately he may view the plight of those materially less fortunate than he, strongly disapproves of their using self-help to redistribute his wealth among them. The television set in my suburban living room, for example, had—though a muscular Sony—wearied noticeably in years of furnishing intellectual Cool Whip to my children, and Red Sox baseball to me. It had the cathode equivalent of pyorrhea, fallen arches, and hypertension, and it lacked the emotional chits which people of middle age endorse in order to be kept around despite decrepitude. We were making plans to unload it and get another, without any sentimental hesitation whatsoever. Yet we were still infuriated to wake up one morning and discover that someone had smashed a window, opened a door, prowled the house where we were sleeping, and made off with it. We have had only one visiting thief since then, and the $2,500 burglar alarm installed with the new TV apparently sent him away to seek a hold less strong I might add that I resented that additional expense as well.