From The Endive, a conservative answer to The Onion:

“The people wanted hope and the people wanted change,” said Obama, “and that’s why I’m keeping my promise. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting my nipples. The left one’s name is Hope and the right one’s name is Change. Now, you may watch them bounce.”
Immediately following his comments, Obama began bouncing his pectoral muscles, sending his nipples into a rhythmic dance. Members of the news media reacted with delight.
“Did you see those glistening pectoral muscles?” said Barbara Walters, “They spoke to me! Hope and Change spoke to me. These aren’t just one man’s nipples, they’re America’s nipples!”
Talk show host Oprah Winfrey agreed.
“Screw Steadman. I want some Hope and Change, now!” said Winfrey, “If Barak puts them both in my hands right now, I’ll give each nipple a new Honda Accord. I’m serious.”
“If I won, I was going to name my nipples Maverick and Rogue,” said John McCain, “But the people didn’t vote for me, so they just won’t get to see them. They won’t know my nipples like Cindy knows my nipples. These are real American nipples – the nipples of strength.”