Over on the home page, a look at GOP gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley, still ahead in the polls, and perhaps about to emerge from a surprising — and increasingly sketchy — series of allegations unscathed.

Perhaps the lesson is that when you look like this . . .

. . . every rival male’s preferred method of taking you down a peg is to claim he’s slept with you.

“Yes, I tearfully must admit that I, ruggedly handsome, irresistible cad that I am, proved to be too overwhelmingly attractive for the young, beautiful woman with a bright future to resist. I realize that by calling a press conference and telling everyone in the state, I am harming my reputation, but I am simply too honest to be quiet about how I am an utterly overwhelmingly seductive a tower of masculinity, and how a woman who looks like this could not pull away from my siren’s call.”