If the “distraction” provided “carnival barkers” was so troubling to President Obama, it’s not clear why he didn’t release this innocuous document back in 2008, as some columnist recommended way back on June 9 of that year.

“We do not have time for this kind of silliness,” declared President Brackets, exhausted from his bullying summit and with a busy schedule of fundraisers ahead of him today.

UPDATE: As noted on Twitter, tomorrow the White House will offer definitive proof that Obama did NOT appear in the 1993 music video for “Whoomp! There it is.”

Those who subscribe to the theory that Obama is indeed in the video are nicknamed “Whoompers.”