Readers have been urging me for very nearly ever to try Neal Stephenson’s Cryptonomicon and the related Baroque Cycle, which is a trilogy of books by the same author.

I am sorry to say that after all these years of toiling away at menial tasks in the literary vineyards, my principles are so degraded and corrupt that I have sunk to the point at which I am deeply reluctant to read anything I am not paid to read. So I was hoping some kind editor would offer me money for reading Mr. Stephenson’s books.

Well, one did. He suggested I read all four books and do a portmanteau review of them all. We negotiated a satisfactory price, and the books have just arrived. First book: 1,152 pages. Second book: 932 pages. Third book: 820 pages. Fourth book: 896 pages. That’s an aggregate 3,800 pages. Ye gods! What happened to SHORT books?

They want my review ”for the November issue.”

This guy better be good.