TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

RE: I’m hungry

Hey Dianne . . .

Hate to bother you, but I’m sitting here in my office and suddenly craving something sweet. Can you handle this? Thnx . . . NP

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

RE: Official diplomatic gift

Hey Barbara:

The Speaker has asked me about the viability of having a military jet deliver a dish of ice cream from her favorite spot in San Francisco as a diplomatic gift in her official capacity as Speaker of the House. What’s the soonest a jet could leave SFO and arrive in D.C. with a dish of Cookies ’n’ Cream and Heath Bar ice cream? As I said, it’s an official request for official business, so the faster the better.

Dianne

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

RE: soap on plane is too drying

Dianne:

The soap on the military plane we’ve been using is WAY too drying for me. I have requested a gel-type soap but have so far been rebuffed. Please take care of this ASAP, as we’re all traveling next weekend and I don’t like to be all itchy. NP

P.S.: Found the chardonnay on the last trip home a bit oaky. Can we replace??

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

RE: Arrangements for this weekend, etc.

Hey Mike . . .

The speaker has asked me to interface with your office in a couple of matters regarding Congressional Delegation travel. For future CODEL flights — es­pecially the ones between Washington, D.C., and San Francisco — is there any way to replace the existing military-issue soap in the aircraft restrooms with a more moisturizing brand? Dry skin is a problem for the Speaker, and I know that when she’s traveling on official business, she likes to keep moist and supple.

Also, please replace the current white-wine offering with a lighter-style char­donnay.

Thanks!

Dianne

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

RE: the coffee machine

Hey Dianne –

I think I left the coffee machine on back home in California. I know it’s supposed to go off automatically, but I keep worrying about fire hazards, etc. Could you please arrange for someone from our staff to fly there on a military aircraft, check the coffee machine, then fly back?? I would call that “official business,” wouldn’t you???

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

RE: Security issue with the Speaker’s home

Hey Mike . . .

There’s been some concern in this office about the security of the Speaker’s home in California. Apparently, there’s been a worry in this office about the safety and soundness of the coffee-making apparatus that she uses for official business when she’s on official travel to her house in California. Pursuant to that, we would like to request a safety-and-security sweep of the Speaker’s home ASAP, with special attention to the kitch­en appliances and the coffee-making apparatus in particular. In order for her official duties in her official kitchen to be able to be conducted in safety.

Please call with any questions. This is a TIME SENSITIVE matter.

Dianne

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

I can’t find one of my nice earrings. Can we get someone to look for it? I think it’s in my office, but I don’t know.

NP

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

Hi Jeff –

The Speaker would like to request a complete sweep of her office location — including her main office and study — ASAP. This office is concerned with a couple of security-related issues, and would appreciate a thorough and total inventory of all office items, including magnetic imagery, chemical analysis, infrared sweeping, and three-dimensional image modeling. In addition, we request that this procedure be overnighted. All costs for this process should be itemized and forwarded to Dept. of Homeland Security.

Dianne

Attachment: earring.jpg

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

RE: Family reunion!!!!!!!! Next weekend!!!!! (GULP!!!!)

Hey Dianne . . .

We’re all going to Grand Cayman for a big family “do.” What’s the process re: air travel? Help!!!!!!

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

RE: Caribbean Basin Regional Security and Humanitarian Aid Advance Trip

Dear Mike:

The Speaker has implemented a program to assess and investigate security issues in Caribbean Basin regional security, with a special emphasis on hu­ma­nitarian efforts in the region and pre­­paredness, etc. She’ll be traveling in her official capacity as Speaker of the House, and will be accompanied by the trustees of the Pelosi Foundation for Caribbean Basin Regional Security and Humanitarian Aid.

To that end, we’d like to request military aircraft for a party of 40, with all the attending staff and service, for next weekend. Ideally, this would be a two-aircraft mission, with one aircraft re­served for kids.

Also: We’d like to book a clown and/or magician.

Thanks,

Dianne

TO: [email protected]

FROM: [email protected]

RE: thnxx!!

Hey D:

Ice cream was delicious. Hit the spot. Now I’m craving something salty!!! Isn’t that always the way???? What’s the deal with getting some of those chips I like from that place in Larkspur?????? NP