Excerpts from the Unread Parts of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act

FROM PAGE 237:

. . . for an additional amount for “Watershed and Flood Prevention Operations,” $290,000,000, of which $145,000,000 is for necessary expenses to purchase and restore floodplain easements as authorized by section 403 of the Agricultural Credit Act of 1978 (16 U.S.C. 2203) (except that no more than $30,000,000 of the amount provided for the purchase of floodplain easements may be obligated for projects in any one state) is anybody reading this? Anybody? Hello? I’ve been sitting here with the other interns in Congress and we’re trying to type this as fast as we can, but this is going to be my little test. Anybody who reads this part of the stimulus bill and gets all the way to this part, I’ve taken $1,000 in cash and hidden it behind the loose panel next to the third drinking fountain on the right as you enter the Russell Senate Office Building. It’ll be there. The money cost of direct and guaranteed loans, including the cost of modifying loans, as defined in section 502 of the Congressional Budget Act of 1974, is as follows: $67,000,000 for section 502 direct loans, and $133,000,000 for section 502 unsubsidized guaranteed . . .