The Midwest has been told to brace for rolling blackouts this summer. We expect the occasional outage when the grid’s stressed; we’re not unreasonable. A transformer blows and throws a squirrel into low orbit, and I’ll get a text from my power company explaining they expect it to be fixed by 4:17 p.m. But this summer? We might get a text that says, “Hey, it’s Tuesday.”

Isn’t it about time, really? The idea of having power whenever we want it, well, that’s pure 100 percent American privilege, as if we’re entitled to keep the lights on while the planet turns into a lifeless cinder. Remember what our first Fundamental Transformer said in his early days of hectoring his lessers:

“We can’t drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times . . . and then just expect that other countries are going to say, ‘Okay.’”

Well, I have to admit, I’m not particularly concerned with whether other countries (Nepal? Madagascar? Peru? which one is our moral better, I forget?) will say Okay, good going, nice start when our air conditioners shut off and the garage door doesn’t open and your electric car won’t recharge and the hot water isn’t hot. I am concerned with some old lady in an apartment who dies in a heat wave when the AC goes down, as happens every summer in Our Moral Very-Better France. Odd how all the people who told us we were killing Grandma because we didn’t wear three masks while walking outdoors at a zoo are content to put her on the altar like some Aztec sacrifice to the climate gods, but I digress.

Point is, this didn’t have to happen. Let me quote that ultra-MAGA news source Reuters:

“Extreme weather is causing increasing challenges for power grids across the United States, and officials are concerned that record heat and drought could result in rotating blackouts in several regions in the western half of the country.

“In addition to the shutdown of coal and nuclear plants over the past year, the Midwest’s summer generating capacity is threatened by planned maintenance and forced outages, as well as seasonal factors like low wind conditions.”

You want to take a guess which might have a bigger impact: planned maintenance or decommissioning power plants? What has a bigger impact on driving to work, taking the car in for an oil change or having it stolen? And you have to love how they admit that “low wind” might be a problem when the entirety of the new green future seems to presume windmills spinning briskly if a hummingbird so much as burps a mile away. And look at that, “low wind” is a seasonal factor, which means it will always be a problem.

“‘Why is the meat in the fridge all rotten?’ ‘No breeze’” is not a conversation I expected to have in 2022.

So how are you going to deal with this? The good news is that the food in your fridge might go bad but there’s not as much of it because you can’t afford more. But maybe you got a great deal on some hamburger and froze it so you wouldn’t have to pay next month’s higher prices and it’s defrosted. Our friends on the left would tell us to just eat it when it thaws, but, oh, also, you shouldn’t eat it at all, so maybe it’s good that it’s spoiled. You’ll explore alternatives. Here’s a substitute made of fungus and bugs. A little relish, some hot sauce, you’ll never know the difference.

(UPDATE: Sriracha hot sauce is now in short supply, say news reports.)

So that’s the brave new future: sitting in the dark, cooking fungus burgers with cricket garnish over a tin of Sterno.

Here’s an idea: How about we all decide that if the power isn’t dependable, neither is our prompt payment of the power bills? The utilities fire everyone responsible for the condition of the grid, and the government fires everyone who tried to induce forced labor on their bright new green future as if they expected a fully formed baby to pop out three days after conception. Once we get a proper assurance that the lights are going to stay on, then we pay.

You will hear the pro-darkness side argue that these are necessary sacrifices and we’ve only ourselves to blame for overheating the planet. You drove to work in the blizzard instead of slapping on skis and schussing to the bus. Well, if you really want to make them angry, point out how the blackouts ruin your ice cream. It gets soft, and then when it hardens up again it has those crystals, you know? Makes it crunchy. They’ll get apoplectic: The planet is dying and you’re worried about your ice cream?

Well, first of all, the planet isn’t dying, and second, I don’t see why my dessert has to be inedible just because you mistook a Jane Fonda movie about nuclear power for a documentary. And third, every single person in Congress will never, ever have to worry about any of this, because they have emergency generators that ensure optimal ice-cream temperature. The whole power grid goes down, I don’t think Nancy or Joe or Ol’ “Jenjis” Khan Kerry would even notice the momentary flicker when the genny kicks in.

What we get from President Biden: Everything’s great and you’re all richer and the economy is fine and we’re going through a marvelous transition, and you bet I’ll run again in 1984. What? Right, 2020.

What we want to hear from someone, anyone: Remember that America you liked? Okay, we’re going to have that again.