5/3/10

Transcript: Interrogation Room 5

Interrogator #1: Date is May Third. Time is 11:23 p.m. I’m Special Agent Daniels, talking with white female, age . . . what’s your age, dear?

Female Suspect: I’m 67.

Interrogator #1: Suspect states that she’s 67. Okay, now, suspect name?

Female Suspect: Dorothy McSweeney. People call me Dot. Can I have a drink of water or something? I’ve been here in this room for nine hours.

Interrogator #1: You can drink all you want when you start telling me the truth.

Female Suspect: I am telling you the truth. I came to New York with my sister, Emily. Where is she?

Interrogator #2: Shut up! I’m asking the questions here, you sicko terrorist!

Female Suspect: I’m not a terrorist! I’m a Presbyterian.

Interrogator #2: You think you can do that in my city? You think you can plant a car bomb in my Times Square??

Interrogator #1: Hey, hey! Hey! Just, can we just, can we take a breath here? Dude, just go get some coffee, okay?

[Sound: door opening.]

Interrogator #1: I’m sorry about my partner. He’s got a temper. Now, look, Mrs. McSweeney, this can go the easy way or the hard way. We know all about you. We know you’re into the tea-party thing, we know you hate this government. Just tell us the truth — just tell us who else you’re working with, who else helped you plant the bomb in the Pathfinder and park it in Times Square, and I promise we’ll go easy on you, okay?

Female Suspect: I don’t know anything about this. I am in the tea party, that’s true. I don’t like this administration or what it’s doing to the country, and I’m worried about the future –

Interrogator #1: You’re making this harder on yourself.

Female Suspect: I don’t know what you men are talking about. If someone tried to blow up Times Square, don’t you think it’s one of those terrorist people, one of those Muslim terrorists?

Interrogator #1: [Shouting.] You want to add racism to your list of crimes?

Female Suspect: If you’re going to yell, can you please unshackle me so I can turn down my hearing aid?

Interrogator #1: You’re making it hard to do this nice, Mrs. McSweeney.

Female Suspect: I’m telling you, I’m not a terrorist. I’m a senior citizen.

Interrogator #1: Angry about the government, angry about the deficit, angry about the big spending, angry about taxes going up . . .

Female Suspect: Yes. Right.

Interrogator #1: You’re an angry little lady. And your anger drove you to radical ideas. Am I right?

Female Suspect: Radical? Good Lord, no. We just came into town to see a show, maybe have dinner at Joe Allen, we like to walk through the ground floor of Saks, you know, fun city stuff.

[Sound: door opening.]

Interrogator #2: I just came from next door. Seems your sister is spilling her guts, all about your plans to blow up that SUV. Seems you two have a little tea party going on.

Female Suspect: That’s impossible. My sister drives an Oldsmobile.

Interrogator #1: This one won’t talk. We may need to get a little nasty.

Interrogator #2: With pleasure.

[Sound: knocking; door opening.]

Interrogator #3: Guys? Um, we can let her go. We just got a confession. A guy named Faisal Shahzad. Spent time in Pakistan. Trained by al-Qaeda.

Interrogator #1: Not following you.

Interrogator #2: Is this Shahzad guy a tea partier?

Interrogator #3: Um, no. No. One of those . . . guys, you know? With the thing on the head and the 9/11 stuff?

Interrogator #1: So, suddenly, some random guy from Pakistan is trying to blow up Times Square? Why?

Interrogator #3: It’s a religious thing. Can we not talk about it? It makes me uncomfortable.

Interrogator #1: Did he have some problem with health-care reform?

Interrogator #3: No. No. Look, just let this nice lady go and come into Room 8.

Female Suspect: I can leave now?

Interrogator #2: Watch yourself, old lady!

Interrogator #1: You made my partner mad. You don’t want to make my partner mad, dirtball.

Interrogator #3: Guys, seriously. The Pakistani guy confessed. Let Mrs. McSweeney go.

Interrogator #2: I want it on the record that I think we’re making a big mistake. Nutjobs like her are a powder keg, ready to explode. She’s a wackadoo. A freak. A terrorist.

Female Suspect: I just came into town to see Billy Elliot.

Interrogator #3: Ma’am, you can collect your shoes and clothes at the front desk. Sorry about the bruises and the cut lip.

Female Suspect: What about my sister?

Interrogator #3: Let me just go call off the waterboarding and she’ll meet you in the lobby. Now, guys, come on. That Shahzad guy is waiting for us. I told him I’d bring him back a cup of tea. I don’t want him to think I’m racist.

Interrogator #2: No, no, of course not.

Interrogator #1: No, obviously.

END TRANSCRIPT