‘So what do you guys have for us today?”

“We’ve got a really great idea, Tom. Something that’ll be terrific for your viewers — ”

“Subscribers, you mean. We’re a streaming service.”

“Yes! Of course! We know that. And what we’re pitching today is just a wonderful feel-good kind of project, kind of an all-American story, little guy does good — ”

“Guy?”

“Or gal! Or, you know, whatever! The thing is, it’s not really all that important to the story. Could be Clooney, could be that Tim Chalamet, could be the terrific young lady who was in the Precious movie that was so wonderful. She’s still large but she’s lost weight and is really appealing. We’re big on diversity, as you know from when we did that other project last year about the kids who solve crimes with the ghosts of great civil-rights leaders.”

“So, what’s the pitch?”

“It’s a sort of a cross between Erin Brockovich and Independence Day and it’s this amazing story which is true, well, mostly true, about the teams racing to solve the whole COVID thing that was so big last year, remember that?”

“COVID, right, got it. Seems depressing though.”

“No! No! Totally not depressing, Tom! The opposite of depressing, in fact. It’s really a story about the lives and loves and struggle to get to that vaccine. We’re telling a very human and heroic story through the lens of the vaccine. Sort of The Big Short crossed with Planet of the Apes.”

“I’m listening . . .”

“Okay, it’s COVID and everyone is scared and dying and there’s, like, craziness all around, and everyone is inside and there’s this guy — but it doesn’t have to be a guy, could be a black person or a trans kind of thing — and he or she is at home with the family and suddenly it’s like, light-bulb time! Idea for a vaccine! So the lead — let’s just say it’s Viola Davis, okay? So Viola heads over to her office at the Pfizer lab and — ”

“Pfizer?”

“Yeah, they did that one vaccine? Right? So Viola heads over to her lab and she’s got, like, this fun diverse team of oddballs and misfits and they’re all butting heads and arguing and she’s like, I got it. I got it. They all turn to look at her. And we cut away! To another team at Johnson & Johnson, and — ”

“So this is a movie about Big Pharma?”

“Sort of. I mean, tangentially. They’re not the heroes, if that’s what you’re asking. They’re like the people who help the heroes. They’re like, Han Solo? Not the actual heroes but — ”

“This is a movie where Big Pharma are the good guys? I bump on that.”

“Tom, totally get it. We can change that. Let me just . . . okay, we cut to Johnson & Johnson and they’re basically doing the same thing — just really working hard but also having fun, you know? I mean, we’re there for the office romances and the karaoke nights and the breakthroughs and then we cut to the White House and someone is saying how they’ve got to do something, got to help the heroes at Big Pharma, and then — ”

“Let me stop you right there. The heroes at Big Pharma? And the White House is . . . ?”

“Right, so, I’m getting to that. We see Trump and he’s yelling about something, doesn’t matter what, and someone suggests Operation Warp Speed — some kid in the back, maybe the kid is Latino or something, maybe the girl who played Selena in Selena who is just so red hot right now, and we have a relationship with her management so she’s very gettable. And Trump is like, ‘Shut up! Everyone shut up!’ And he turns to the kid and says, ‘What did you say?’ And the kid is terrified but the kid says, basically, we align the financial incentives and add regulatory relief and let the private sector innovate and we can have a vaccine in ten months, and Trump sort of nods and says, ‘Okay, do it,’ and then we cut back to a montage, where everyone is now racing to get the vaccine, and there’s a third act in there of course, but it’s really a very human and uplifting story about the heroes at Big Pharma and a leader who made it happen.”

“I need to ask you because we’ve known each other a long time. Are you drunk?”

“At this exact moment? No.”

“But you’re impaired, right? Because you just walked into the office of the head of production for one of the biggest studios in the world and pitched a movie about Big Pharma and Trump in which they are the heroes.”

“To be honest, Tom, I have been on a very powerful antihistamine.”

“I thought so.”

“There’s another way to go here. Sort of a cross between Pulp Fiction and A Room with a View. Independent mom-and-pop pharmaceutical outfit discovers the vaccine and is about to give it away to third-world nations when the president of the United States calls the CEO of Moderna and they conspire to have it destroyed.”

“Who’s the hero?”

“The New York Times.”

“I’m listening . . .”